Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
