Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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