my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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