i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
