You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
