just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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