ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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