i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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