The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
