Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
