they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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