I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
