the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
