Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
