Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
