I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
