Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
