Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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