he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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