my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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