Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
