My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will be naked everywhere
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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