i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
