Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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