So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
