I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
