I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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