Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
