Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
