Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
