And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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