i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
