I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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