Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
