Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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