I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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