He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
