Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
