I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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