I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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