Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
