Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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