it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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