I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
