i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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