I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
