Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
