i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
