Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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