Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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