90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
