i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
