I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
