i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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