Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
