so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
