You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
