no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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