The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she looked like the before picture.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
