..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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